


Why Do I Even Bother?

by Azamatic



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:15:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azamatic/pseuds/Azamatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After yet another job rejection, does Merlin take it too far?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Do I Even Bother?

**Author's Note:**

> This little story came about after looking at my life at this current moment in time. Some of the things that happened in this story have happened to me, some haven't. By writing this story, it's helped me to get it all out there so I can to begin to think more positively about life etc.
> 
> As always, coments and kudo's are more than welcome ! :)

Merlin, cautiously optimistic as always, picked up the envelope that had just been placed through the letterbox. he went and placed it on the coffee table. Whenever he got letters like these ones, he always made himself some hot sweet tea in his favorite mug; a white one with a picture of him and Arthur on it.

As he sat down, he had second thoughts as to whether or not he should open it, whether or not he should put himself through the pain and humiliation again. With nervous and shaking fingers outstretched, he picked up the envelope, turned it over and broke the seal.

Copious amounts of tears had began to well up in his eyes and slowly trickle down his face and onto the rejection letter that he could now add to the overgrowing folder that was bursting to the seams. In sheer anger and sadness, he just crumpled it up and slammed it into the table, putting his fist through the glass top and cutting his knuckles in the process. He didn't even realize he was bleeding until he came back from the bedroom after getting his fleece blanket. He simply looked at his hands and quite frankly didn't give two flying fucks anymore. He pulled the blanket over himself and cuddle the cushion that had the smell of Arthur all over it.

He was drifting in and out of a light slumber, only being awoken by the sharp stinging pain that was becoming more and more vivid and real.

He slowly opened his eyes but shut them due to the pounding headache which had now overcome him. He gently opened them again and found a red eyed Arthur cleaning and dabbing his hands.

Arthur noticed Merlin was now awake. "Merlin, what happened?" Arthur said with a croaky voice, evident that he had been crying. He knew the answer anyway, but he needed to hear Merlin say it.

Merlin reached out and pointed to the crumpled up letter that lay beneath shards of glass. It took all his emotional strength to point out, which made tears form and roll down his face. All of Arthur's caring instincts kicked in and he leaned over, wiped the tears away and planted a deep kiss on his forehead.

He knelt on the floor and uncrumpled the letter.

"Merlin, you really ave to stop letting it get to you!" 

Well that was it, Merlin saw red. He sat upright and stared straight at Arthur. "Excuse me?"

Arthur just stared straight back and gave a look that said 'i know whats about to happen'

"Do you even know what it's like? To get turned down time and time again, to have everything thrown back in your face, to have the words 'no' and 'unfortunately' handed to you every single day? It eats you up, Arthur. It tears you up from the inside out and it consumes you. Piece by piece it takes you over until you don't have a shred of happiness or positivity left inside you!"

By this time, Arthur was close to tears at listening to Merlin pour his hear out and he could see tears forming in Merlin's soft brown eyes as well

"These don't make a blind bit of difference either" Merlin said, throwing the box of anti depressants into the wall. "It's easy enough for you to say everything is going to be alright, you're the one with the nice cushy job, having practically everything handed to you on a plate. Life is all fine and dandy for you isn't it!"

Arthur was just sitting there with his face etched with shock and realization. By this time, Merlin was quietly sobbing in the corner of the room, rocking back and forward. It pained Arthur to see Merlin like this, he didn't know how or what he could do to help him. Whenever something like this happened, Arthur had a few tricks that perked Merlin up. He ran Merlin a nice hot bubbly bath, put the electric blanket on and set his favorite DVD up in the bedroom.

Arthur went back into the living room to find Merlin still in the same position as before, but he was no white as a sheet and sporting the most blood shot eyes imaginable.

Arthur knew how to handle him in these types of situations. So he knelt down very slowly and put his hands on Merlin's head, smoothing out the soft hair that was now sticking up in all directions. He then moved and sat next to him.

"You so know that the longer you sit here, the more numb your arse is going to get!" Arthur said, trying to coax a reaction out of him. It seemed like hours had passed before Arthur had spoke again. "Come on, you can't stay like this all night. I've got a nice hot bubbly bath waiting for you, the electric blanket is warming the bed up and I've put your favorite DVD on the telly."

Merlin then turned his head to stare into the most comforting pair of blue eyes. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but he found his throat was totally raw. But he bit through the pain and tried to speak. He managed to speak a little, but his voice was incredibly croaky and coarse. "I'm sorry that you have to see me like this and I'm sorry that you have to go through it and out up with it." Arthur just pulled him into one of those soul melting, comforting hugs which he knew was working because he could feel Merlin gently ease into his hold.

"Come on now, up you get. Your bath is getting cold and all the bubbles will have gone!"

With a bit of help from Arthur, Merlin was hoisted to his feet. Arthur walked Merlin to the bathroom and left him to sort himself out. Just before Arthur closed the bathroom door, he saw Merlin turn towards him and whisper a thank you, to which Arthur replied with a smile and a wink.

By the time Merlin got into the now toasty bed, he was far too drained to do anything. So the both of them just lay there, comforted by the warm glow of the fiber optic lamp. As he sunk further down into the engulfing duvet, he felt a soft, strong, warm arm wrap itself around him, and the soft ticklish beard that was burrowed into the back of his neck.

"I'm always here Merlin. no matter what happens, I'll always look after us."


End file.
